Possible Ways to Make Money in 2009

Whatever benchmarks you may take, 2009 will be awful. Whether you subscribe to the second Great Depression view of Olivier Blanchard (IMF Economist) or the audacity of a trillion dollar fiscal stimuli (Barrack O), it doesn't take away from the fact that we are in for a rough ride.

Recently, I was wondering what I'd do if I were to lose my job (hopefully with a reasonable severance). Where would I put my money? What venture (s) would make sense in this environment? So, I sat down to make a list of the things I would like to do if my career were to be 'freed up'.

Thankfully, I haven't lost my job (yet). But I wanted to share the list anyways. Quick caveat : if you burn your fingers at any of these, don't blame me.

Investment banking memorabilia: could range from photocopies of bonus cheques issued to senior managers over the last 3 years to autographed ex-CxO picture cards with total personal earnings, value destroyed for the company and a range of other trivia at the back. Also includes things like Lehman Brothers door signs, fully discounted CDO certificates and other collectibles.

Bad news re-packaging service: helping senior leaders figure out ways to communicate bad news in upbeat language. The idea is that the company will send us the bad news that they want to communicate to employees and we will put a positive spin on the message to make it sound like a good thing. The service could then be extended to creating upbeat logos for layoffs and pay-cuts and eventually producing speeches, videos, posters, mouse pads, micro-sites and t-shirts etc to communicate the worst news in the best possible way.

Discreet management off-sites: this service will be a great hit with the likes of AIG - we will plan and execute super discreet management meetings in remote but gorgeous islands (like in the Maldives or Seychelles) while ensuring that no-one gets to know of the event. All members of the management team will be taking synchronized leave of absence for the period of the meeting. They will then be whisked away from their homes in top secret vehicles under cover of the night and then transported by unlisted private jets to undisclosed locations for the offsite. At the end of the process, all evidence of the offiste will be destroyed and the managers will be back in office without a clue of where they went. The invoice for our services will read 'miscellaneous charges'.

The online trading game: this is a video game that will be targeted at out-of-job traders itching to make big bold trades but with no real money to do them. The game will simulate a real trading floor environment and will be a multi-player game with an online currency system. The 'central bank' will keep auto-generating 'liquidity' into the gaming environment and players will be able to leverage themselves as wildly as they wish to make huge bets on everything from the price of oil to the temperature at the north pole. Once a player goes 'bust', he will simply be knocked off the system and the 'bank' will monetize his losses immediately in the system. He can then come back into the game with a different user id. Winners will get massive bragging rights and will be elevated to the level of "Big Swinging Dicks" with their avatars splashed all over the site.

Recycling facility for private jets - this facility will take apart private jets sold off by companies getting a bailout from the government and trading the spare parts with commercial airline manufacturers, auto companies (those that survive), university aerospace labs, odd-ball collectors and London's Tate Gallery of modern art.

Hope you like these ideas. If you do, hope you will lose your job in time to execute some of them and make lots of money :-)